Zero Tolerance Meets the Alien Death Ray
by David Lubar
My Uncle Shubert was passing through town, and had stopped at our house for a
couple days. He's pretty cool for an adult. He takes me places and never treats me
like a kid. As he was packing up his suitcase, I noticed a silvery tube on his bed.
"What's that?" I asked.
"Alien death ray," he said.
I checked his face to see if he was kidding. It was hard to tell. "Do you mean it's a
ray that aliens use to kill people, or is it a ray that kills aliens?"
He shrugged. "Not sure. The guy who sold it to me wasn't very clear. But I liked
the looks of it, and the price was right, so I bought it. Do you want it?"
"Definitely. It's all yours."
"Awesome!" I grabbed the tube and took a close look. It fit nicely in my hand,
though it was heavier than I'd expected. It was solid at one end, and hollow at the
other, with a single clear glass button near the solid end. I pointed the tube out the
window and pushed the button. Nothing happened.
"Maybe it needs batteries," I said.